I am depressed...

I am depressed.

Yesterday was one month since Grace's passing and that might be some of my depression but most of it is with work.

I am feeling super unappreciated. I have been looking for a new job for a whole year now. Why is it that all my subordinates can find a new job and I can't?! Seriously.

Also my supervisor has been trying get a job change approved for me and guess what still hasn't happened. I found yesterday it is because I am on the back burner because the subordinate jobs are more important. I just feel like they are thinking, oh she can keep waiting, we are in no hurry to help her. HELLO I am the only one supporting 2 kids in this office with a hubby who makes less than me! Cost of living keeps going up, but my salary sure doesn't. I have been traveling as a high school recruiter for 7 years! Most people in this "profession" move on after 2 years. When I tell the newbies how long I have been doing it, they are shocked and confused! Then when they find out I am married with kids they are even more bewildered. I am just so ready to move up in the professional world...

So much to say...

Has it really been a month since Grace's passing?!?! It still seems so unbelievable. How did life just go back to normal? How did we just get up the next day, get dressed and go about the day to days... It just does not make sense to me. I know you are supposed to continue on with your life but it just seems unreal that it happened so quickly. I have been so proud of Travis and Larry for their ability to move on, but of course they could let their guard down when no one is around.

Which is what I did today as I drove the 2 and 1/2 hours from Lubbock to Amarillo, for work. I cried, the same way I am crying as I type this. Cried for the unfairness of life, cried because my boys no longer have a grandma, which I still have both of, by the way. Cried because my husband no longer has his mom. He was such a momma's boy and did everything he could to please her. Cried because Larry no longer has the love of his life. Cried because Christy and Grant's children will never know this strong woman, who would have been their grandma, who fought so hard to beat this terrible thing we call cancer. Cried for Bob who lost his whole family in less than 15 months to death. Cried for Ellen who is now lost because Grace was her glue. Grace was everyone's glue. I am so thankful that everyone made the trip to TX in May to celebrate Cole's birthday as that was the last time we were all together. Which is ironic because the year before at Cole's 1st birthday it was the last time we were all together before Travis' grandparents died.

The ironies of life and death...

Almost a month

It has almost been a month since Grace's passing. Life has gotten somewhat back to normal. We see Larry alot. We see him in the evenings, on the weekend and a church. He seems to be doing ok. Travis is doing well too.

We are stressed at our house, but hey with two working parents, two kids, and two dogs, who wouldn't be!

I had a job interview with the City of Fort Worth for their HR department, they called on Friday and said that they hadn't made a decision yet, of course now that I talk to Travis about it, he says I shouldn't take it. He doesn't want me to have to start at the bottom again. I have a bit of flexibility now and wouldn't have it in a new job. Although the new pay would be GREAT! Who wouldn't want an extra $15,000 a year???