Thank you for your concern...

I just wanted to thank one of my trusty readers for her concerns.

Mom told me that you said I needed to be more discrete in my writing and I appreciate your concerns. However to me this is a place where I can just write the feelings that are going on in my head. Feelings that no one else wants to hear, but might like to read because the same thing is happening with them. I realize feelings might get hurt, but when I write about others, my feelings are hurt at the time and I need to get the anger out!

Also thank you for your concern about surrogacy. Believe me I have done a ton of research. I have been researching surrogacy since 2003. I know it is something I am meant to do. God has it in his plans for me. And I would love for you and everyone to support me and Travis in this decision. Believe it was not made in haste.

I love you Aunt Rynn and always appreciate your love and honesty to me!

This just chaps my hide...

Isn't that a Texas saying or what?!?!

So here's the deal. The in-laws are in town again. Which in itself causes me stress. Who knows why? Maybe it is because the first time they ever came to visit 5 years ago after Travis and I married, MIL decided that my aluminum foil was too cheap and I needed name brand and she proceeded to go buy name brand products for my kitchen. HELLO WHO CARES! Ok I digress.

So they arrive last night, Travis took Logan to the airport to get them. I stayed home and put Cole to bed. They arrive and everyone gets settled in. MIL asks Travis, so are the boys going to daycare tomorrow. Travis says he didn't know. MIL says well Cole can go and Logan can stay. Just for information purposes. Travis has today off, so that means there would have been Travis, MIL and FIL at home, yet she wants to go ahead and send Cole to daycare. Whatever.

I then tell her that I have scheduled Saturday to get Cole's 9 month pictures taken, she then says well can't we get Logan's taken too?!?! Ugh we have 1 million pictures of Logan, not that he isn't cute, but this is a package deal that we have until Cole turns 1. Travis tells her that and she seems upset, she says can't we schedule Logan too. We tell her no.

By this time I am getting really upset and after I put Logan to bed I go to my room and go to bed and just keep fuming. Travis comes to bed and he starts this conversation:

You know how I used to tell you that my mom would get jealous when my grandparents had a favorite and it was my cousin. He says my mom is doing that now with Logan. She doesn't want to have anything to do with Cole and I don't know why. He is such a joy. (I am glad he brings this up because I am still fuming about it) We talk and decide she is crazy and we need to show her how wonderful Cole is too. (I know this is bad but I use this time to talk about surrogacy and how I want to give a dad the same feeling he has for his children, he says he is close.)

So here we are to today. In which I am so upset about. Logan stays home. Travis takes Cole to daycare. Travis gets his oil changed and goes home. They all run to the grocery store to buy lunch. Then MIL decides she needs to go shopping. It is 4:00 and she just walked in the door. What!?!?! She tells us to keep Logan out of school today so she can spend it with him and instead goes shopping. I just don't understand. Does anyone get it? Are there not stores in California? You are here to visit your grandchildren!

Travis just called and I a meeting them for dinner, it is MIL's bday, I ask him if he has picked up Cole, he says yes. And then I ask if MIL has paid Cole any attention yet. And he says no, not yet. It just breaks my heart yet pisses me of sooooo bad!

Where did the time go?

Last night we decided to put the video camera tapes onto VHS. We aren't savy enough to put them on DVD. Baby Steps!

We started with Logan's birth. What an amazing day. Watching it was so emotional for me. It was the day Travis and my life changed forever. We went from being young kids to parents with responsibilities. And I think we have done pretty well.

It seemed so surreal hearing the people on the video call that baby Logan, when preschooler Logan was sitting right next to me. My brain just couldn't comprehend that those were the same people.

Simply amazing!

His next excuse...

He doesn't want me to get fat after baby #3. WHAT! That is so not going to happen. He said it is because I keep complaining about not having lost all the weight from Cole. So let's just say I am nipping that in the bud. I am still 15 less than when I got pregnant with Logan. I am still skinnier than the day I walked down the aisle. Can't say the same for him.

He said it was a vain thought but he didn't want me to end up at 240 pounds and complaining. So I fired back and said I didn't want him to end up at 500. He said I know that is what I am talking about. Seems he gains weight everytime I am pregnant. Which I knew, just hadn't said anything. He looks nothing like the day we were married. He says he is trying but you have to get off the couch and turn off the tv to do that.

But I love the guy, he is a wonderful daddy and husband and my life with out him would be so boring. I just know he is going to come around and see what a wonderful thing my being a surrogate is. How when he looks at the Intended Parents faces when they see their baby in my belly and watch their baby being born and feeling the love for this baby, like he feels for his own children. I just want him to see the big picture and I know he will. Just when?!?!

January Recap...

COLE
Cole got RSV and his first ear infection. Neither were fun. He didn't eat for a whole week and he was so dehydrated his lips were cracked and bleeding. He just laid there like a limp noodle. Luckily I could get him to drink enough not to warrant going to the hospital. Poor baby. He now has 6 teeth, 3 on top and 3 on bottom. We are working on 7 and 8, which are on top. He still isn't crawling but getting really close. He LOVES to talk. He screams, DADADADA, LALALALA, BABABABA all the time. And just smiles the whole time. We finally moved his crib down a notch. He was reaching up and touching his mobile so I knew it was time. He is loving solid foods, at daycare anyways, he won't eat them for me, just bottles. But gobbles down jars at school. Everyone there just loves him. They all call him Baby Cole, because that is what Logan calls him.

LOGAN
Logan is doing great! Yesterday he wore underwear to school and stayed dry all day!!!! And then last night he pooped in the potty. He is in underwear again today, we shall see. I have tried every bribing trick in the book and nothing. He is just going to have to do it on his own. My little independent, strong headed boy. (Wonder where he gets that from?) He is so smart and observant. I just love to watch him. It almost feels like I can see the wheels turning in his brain.

ME
I am good. Just feeling a little overwhelmed with lots of work and school. I am just so tired, when I get home at nights I am so ready for bed. I have an 18 page paper due at the first of March that I haven't started because I am to exhausted at night. But that silly thing isn't going to just write itself!

TRAVIS
Travis is good too. He is really liking his job and starting to get to know his coworkers. Moving was a great thing for all of us. We are in the process of filing our taxes. Thanks to daycare we might make some money!